Fears

I have been thinking about fear this week. So sure enough, I decided to look up what it means per the Merriam Webster Dictionary. This is what I found (please note they are paraphrased and references regarding Godly fear are removed for brevity, and I don't want to go down that road. That is a difference story entirely):

The definition of fear- Verb: To be frightened or to be in awe. Noun: an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger. 

Since I don't like it when definition include the word being defined I also looked up fright:

The definition of fright: Fear excited by sudden danger, or something, strange, shocking, or ugly.

Huh. So fear is unpleasant? And caused by awareness of danger or anticipation?
So maybe I knew this already. (That college degree is doing wonders)

This definition definitely doesn't help me conquer my fears. That is what we are supposed to do right? Conquer and face our fears? I don't really want to. Fears seem real and valid enough and probably keep me alive. Well some of them do anyway.

I have decided to compose a listing of my fears (and some of the fears of others).

My fears:
1) Other parents (top of the list) - they freak me out (and yes I know, I am one). They travel in packs, talk about their spawn, show photos of their spawn of all ages, discuss poo, pee, feeding rituals, bath times, shopping, discipline (or lack there of), discuss sex after baby, before baby, the intimate nature of childbirth, problems of childbirth, lack of sleep, too much sleep, and their entire life rotates around their spawn and their spawn's school. Freaky.  And they are judgmental, and they never like the answers I offer when they ask for advice. It isn't my fault you asked a question about your kid and I answered honestly. (see fear number 2) Truly - I could go on days about other parents. I have and I probably will again. And I will probably share in all of the droll and completely unsuitable topics listed above while in animated discussions with Other Parents. The whole idea is starting to make me panic with the anticipation.
2) Other People's Children - See item number one. Being the topic of so much discussion makes me nervous when I am required to share about my own. What if I am doing it wrong and they condemn me to a bad mommy corner? What if they don't like my children and condemn them to the unliked childrens' corner?   I am not a big fan of children. They poo, pee and make weird noises in public. They require sensitive handling and never sleep when you really, REALLY, need or want them to. (my children are of course perfect and definitely more perfect than your children) And have you seen the ton, and I mean CRAP TON of laundry children produce. It often includes the pee and poo as listed above.
3) Zombies - They could be real. You never know. I have read the survival handbook, have you? And remember rule number 1 during the time when Zombies take over the world is CARDIO.
4) Elvis - I saw him at  a Wally World about 7 years ago. I think he was a Zombie. Thus inducing my next fear:
5) Wally World - Zombies, Elvis, Other Parents, and Other People's Children all hang out here in droves. It is the totality of my fears. I actually got so freaked doing back to school shopping with my son, that we had to leave the store, the cart and the potential school supplies in said cart. The Other Parents were ramming carts and the Other People's Children were screaming and peeing and pooing. I had to go back later in the middle of night and did parking lot surveillance just to be sure it was safe.
6) Sand - Its weird. It's well, SANDY, and it gets into everything and it never gets out. I flipping dread sand. And it can smell, and people take their children to visit the sand. They also wear small amount of clothing when they really shouldn't.
7) Sickness - People get sick, they are in pain, and sometimes they don't get better and I can't help. I tend to avoid sick people, or make fun of them. Yes, this causes a whole slew of dilemmas regarding the care of my family.
8) Semi Trucks - I got hit by one once on a highway. I never really felt the same way about them afterward. I did feel badly that the driver who hit me lost his job.
9) Pools of Water - I enjoy looking at them, putting my toe in them, even wading. But  large Pools of Water are completely on my oh fuck no list. They have things in them potentially. And the deeper parts are cold, which creeps me out, and could be filled with Zombies. Not to mention drowning when a Zombie gets a hold you.


I can't come up with a number 10 - but its there. I know it is, just lurking in the corner, waiting to be faced and conquered.