First year

Tonight I contemplate a birthday party being held for my daughter tomorrow and I am filled with memories of the past and what was.

Tomorrow will be a fun-filled, celebratory experience with family and friends, but tonight I am remembering all that was.

Memories are an odd thing, some grow strange and fuzzy with time and others remain crystal, names fade but faces remain. Actions get out of order, but I remember the looks, feelings, and words.

My boy child is 10 years older than the girl child who we are having a celebration for tomorrow. I remember his first steps, his experience with a dandelion and grass and yes even his first birthday. It wasn't exactly the same as now, but then it was a different time in my life. Different place, different people, different words, looks and actions. But I was excited none the less. He had survived that first year.

She has survived that first year of life. 

The first year is hard for both the child and the parents. It is hard for the parents separately, individually, and as a couple. You learn how to function as a team, truly as adults and learn how to accept another being's survival might be more important than your own.

Babies get sick, they cry, they poo, they learn and they need us. They actually need all of us, even those that don't have children. They watch all of us and learn from us. And sometimes they don't make that first year.

Maybe tonight I am just happy I have two healthy children that are years apart and I have somehow learned that the world and it's participants do not revolve around me and mine.

Maybe tonight I just feel reflective of the last year. I feel a little sad, no more bottle or breast, she is walking, trying to communicate without crying, says a couple words and she doesn't need me to entertain her every moment.

The first year is a celebration of life and what we can do and how much we can learn. It reminds us that life is impermanent and amazing. It reminds me that somehow, no matter what else is going on in the world we grow, we learn and we cultivate.